Oh man...they make a t-shirt that says I Spent A Day Out With Thomas...the t-shirt they should make is I Survived A Day Out With Thomas.
First, Serenity puked in the van on the way up. I caught most of it in her potty chair, but still uncomfortable and gross for her.
Then, Jonathan was crabby and unhappy for a good couple of hours, including our ride on Thomas. Once he got some Pedialyte and Motrin he was better about 30 seconds after swallowing the Motrin. Placebo effect, I guess.
Then the really gross part of it all, but I'll put that at the end so those of you with weak stomachs can skip it, and trust me, you want to skip it cuz you might throw-up. And not just a little in your mouth, I'm talking full out projectile vomit here. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Some rotten little kid tried to choke poor Serenity in the giant inflatable dragon-worm thing that she was crawling through, and I couldn't get in to get her out because a bunch of little kids kept coming out. Finally she got close enough to the exit where I could reach in and grab her. I didn't know what happened to her until she made it out and told us. If I had known I would have been in that stupid worm from the front end. Jonathan also refused to come out of the dragon-worm until Rick had to yell into the worm dragon, "Jonathan, GET OUT HERE NOW!!!!" To which the response was a very terrified little boy who was also named Jonathan, but not our Jonathan, shooting out of the opening of the worm dragon like a little human bullet. Our Jonathan, however, was un-phased and continued to maintain his post within the dragon-worm. Once we finally got him out, well, we were naive enough to believe his promises that he would go straight through and come right out if we let him go through again. So, repeat above scenario, minus terrified human-bullet child.
Okay, so here's the hands-down worst part. Puke Alert. Puke Alert. Puke Alert. I warned you. They only have port-a-potties, which I am already very adverse to using, but when you're stuck somewhere for an entire day that isn't very close to a gas station or public restroom, well, sometimes I just have to hover and pray. (You ladies are already familiar with the hover stance.) So I get in position, do my business, and turn around to notice some money in the pot. And my first thought is, wow, that must suck for the person who dropped it...and then I realized that I probably would have noticed some money in the pot before I peed, if it had been there before I peed. This was my OH SH!T moment. Now if it had just been the stupid three dollars that I had in my back pocket, I'd have left it for the next person to fish out. But then I realized that those three dollars had been snuggly tucked INSIDE my wallet which must be what is causing those tiny little bubbles that I now see floating up to the surface from that stew of human excrement, t.p., and nasty blue liquid. Now I'm trying to think as fast as I can here about all my options. A. Reach in and pray that I can grab it without vomiting all over myself, oh, and actually find it, because all I have to go on is the location of the money sitting on top and the very tiny bubbles (barf) coming from, well you know where they're coming from. B. Call for Rick and risk it sinking deeper and losing the location from the few little bubbles. C. Leave all my credit cards, driver’s license, state id, and other various cards that I use on a regular basis for the port-a-potty cleaner guy to fish out somehow? Can they even do that? Where do I find the port-a-potty cleaner guy? I have NO freaking idea. So, despite my very strong desire to call Rick in and make him go wallet fishing in a sea of strangers' sh!t, p!ss, bloody tampons, used t.p., and whatever other nasty unmentionables people throw into port-a-potties, I choose option A. Luckily they had hand washing stations right outside, which I promptly proceeded to, after handing a shocked Rick my wallet and three dollars (I was down there anyway) wrapped in some t.p. I spent a good ten minutes washing over and over and over and over and over again. I still feel dirty after many washings and many hand sanitizings.
The wallet and cards got bleached, but I don't know what to do about my paper punch cards...probably garbage...or exchange in a zip-lock baggie...
I will pee in the freaking woods before I use a port-a-potty again.
